Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Sheila Christmas Carol To Ya!!

December 21, 2010

http://www.youtube.com/sheilasaputo#p/u/0/JOMC782Pp0w

Sheila’s July Diary Entry

July 1, 2010

Dear Delores,

Well, Last night was a total flop. I stood in line all day to see “Eclipse!” It was great to see so many kids taking a field trip to see the movie! I wondered why on earth they were premiering it at the Science Center? Needless to say, I learned a lot about our moon, and bawled when I realized I wasn’t going to see Robert Pattinson in 3D after all.

Sheila’s June Tip ‘O the Month To Ya!

June 1, 2010

Adopt a June Bride Month!!

It’s easy, just go through the wedding announcements in your local paper, and pick your favorite bride! Then on the day of her “big day,” surprise her by showing up and volunteering your services! Just show up to the chapel and shout “Help is here!” and mean it. Then take charge! (Beware of those bridezillas out there that think surprise help is “inappropriate”… “unbelievable”. ) Last year I hired a clown named “Boobles” to surprise the Bride and Groom at the reception. She was very friendly, but there was something about the way she kept trying to dance on the father of the Bride’s lap that was kind of uncomfortable. Plus, I’ve never known a clown to expect tips so often…

Sheila’s May tip of the month

May 3, 2010

Hi, Sheila here with my May written tip o the month to ya!

Rent (to own) Avatar and learn to speak Na’vi!!

Nga za’u fitseng pxim srak? which means, “Do you come here often?”
Totally worked last night during a virtual date i was having online. We climbed all the way to the top of the floating mountains together, and I think I virtually pulled something in my leg.

Nga yawne lu oer shtank! (Never let ’em see ya sweat!)

-Sheila Saputo

Sheila’s Tip of the Month for April

March 31, 2010

Dear Delores,
I watched 3 baby birds in a nest today crying. I wanted to be their mother. I finally bought “Listen Up!” The infomercial promises that i will be able to overhear peoples private conversations! magic! Not only can i smell fear, but now i can listen for it too. In about 6-9 days I will literally become a private detective in my own neighborhood. I feel like Tom Selleck. Did you know that you can burn calories just by laughing? I have been exercising and not even knowing it! I love that!

Sheila’s Tip of the Month for March

March 3, 2010

Dear Delores,

March is here and it’s Women’s History Month! This Month I am honoring Tonya Harding.
Just finished reading her unauthorized autobiography, “Why?! Why Not: Tonya’s Take On It” Turns out she was the victim! So courageous.

March 14th is daylight savings time, so I can’t forget to set my clock back. This gets me in a pickle every single year!
Last year I showed up a day late and an hour early to a funeral I was officiating. There was a long awkward pause when I asked, “Does anyone in the family have anything they’d like to say?” The good news is that I got to play an awesome uninterrupted 20 minute version of Taps.

I practiced my Oscar speech in the bathroom mirror last night. This year I dreamt I won best actress for “Titanic 2: The Wreckoning”

Why do people say things like, “I’m afraid I’ve gotta go” What are they so afraid of?

Video: Sheila’s Tip of the Month

February 5, 2010

Sheila’s tip of the month for February

February 4, 2010

Dear Delores,
I am writing to you from the top of my roof. I wanted to be closer to heaven today. I have to remember that february has 2 R’s in it and the word Mississippi does not.
I am having a “Fat Tuesday” party at my house on the 16th!
Gonna have a hot dog eating contest and try to set up an all you can eat buffet in honor of the big day! Here’s my list –
Velveeta cheese fountain
bbq corn nuts
build your own jell-o
gingerbread replica of the Titanic
and mom’s famous sweet -n- salty meatballs (marshmallows and pork rinds!)
Happy Fat Tuesday!

Sheila’s Tip O’ The Month To Ya!

January 8, 2010

Dear Delores

January 6, 2010

Dear Delores,

Another year behind me, I was sad to see her go. I’m not good with goodbyes, never have been. I cried a river and told 2009, “better luck next year!” and cried some more.
Here are my New Year resolutions! Small list, but I like to set high goals, and slam dunk em.
I didn’t go for a gym membership this year. Last year I tried, but I fell in love with my personal trainer and he had to get a (small) restraining order when I started showing up at his house to jog at 4AM and read him poetry.

Sheila’s New Years Resolutions-
4 fewer bags of Skittles (per week)
Write the Indigo Girls a letter – everyday
Build a fort
Have joke published by Laffy Taffy
Petition Congress to admit women can make lakes too! Victory will be ours!