Archive for March, 2010

Sheila’s Tip of the Month for April

March 31, 2010

Dear Delores,
I watched 3 baby birds in a nest today crying. I wanted to be their mother. I finally bought “Listen Up!” The infomercial promises that i will be able to overhear peoples private conversations! magic! Not only can i smell fear, but now i can listen for it too. In about 6-9 days I will literally become a private detective in my own neighborhood. I feel like Tom Selleck. Did you know that you can burn calories just by laughing? I have been exercising and not even knowing it! I love that!

Sheila’s Tip of the Month for March

March 3, 2010

Dear Delores,

March is here and it’s Women’s History Month! This Month I am honoring Tonya Harding.
Just finished reading her unauthorized autobiography, “Why?! Why Not: Tonya’s Take On It” Turns out she was the victim! So courageous.

March 14th is daylight savings time, so I can’t forget to set my clock back. This gets me in a pickle every single year!
Last year I showed up a day late and an hour early to a funeral I was officiating. There was a long awkward pause when I asked, “Does anyone in the family have anything they’d like to say?” The good news is that I got to play an awesome uninterrupted 20 minute version of Taps.

I practiced my Oscar speech in the bathroom mirror last night. This year I dreamt I won best actress for “Titanic 2: The Wreckoning”

Why do people say things like, “I’m afraid I’ve gotta go” What are they so afraid of?